GROUND RULES

1. Everyone in this room has the right to be treated fairly. This means:

l having the right to speak

l having the right not to speak

2. Everyone in this room has the right to be treated with respect. This means:

l not being laughed at or made fun of

l not being interrupted

3. Everyone in this room has the right to feel physically and emotionally safe. This means:

l Anything that is said of a personal nature will be confidential

l People in this room can trust and be trusted by the others

4. Everyone is responsible for his/her own learning.

THE MEDIATION PROCESS

Opening	l Welcome, introductions l Role of the mediator l Ground rules l Confidentiality
Story		l Each party says what happened l Perceptions l Positions and interests l Feelings
Issues		l Parties help create an agenda l Define issues to be addressed
Possibilities		l Generate options l Negotiate l Identify BATNA
Agreement		l Determine mutual satisfaction l Be clear and specific l Be realistic l Write it out, parties sign.

FULL VALUE CONTRACT

TRAINERS WILL:

Provide instruction in new skills

Allow time to process and practice

Be available when needed

PARTICIPANTS WILL:

Be on time

Participate as much as possible

Honor commitments to the mediation program

CAUSES OF CONFLICT

Why do people fight?

Differences in perception

Differences in points of view

Differences in values or beliefs

Misunderstanding

Lack of communication

What do people fight about?

Resources

Psychological needs

Values

SKILLS OF THE MEDIATOR

Neutral l Does not take sides l Does not show bias l Is fair to both sides l Models collaborative behavior	Non-Judgmental l Does not judge guilt or innocence l Does nt tell parties what to do l Does not give advice or opinions l Focuses on the Future
Good Listener l Maintains eye contact l Pays attention l Summarizes important issues l Does not interrupt unless necessary	Maintains Confidentiality + Trust l Does not talk about the parties or the problems l Creates an atmosphere of good faith l Encourages future uses of mediation

A Mediator is:

l Fair

l A Good Listener

l Someone you can trust

l Concerned with people’s feelings

l Someone who treats everyone with respect

A Mediator is not:

l A judge

l An advisor

l A police officer

l A disciplinarian

l Someone who takes sides or looks for blame

Student Mediation is not:

l A substitute for discipline policies already in place

l Students telling other students what they should do

l To be used with issues involving drugs, weapons or abuse.

l The magic answer that will bring lasting peace to every school.

AVOID

There is no conflict

Ignore the conflict

Issues are not addressed

COMPROMISE

Give a little, get a little

Split the difference

Make a deal

CONFRONT

Competitive

Win at all cost

No consideration for the other guy

ACCOMMODATE

Give in

Peace at all cost

Preserve the relationship

OBTAIN ASSISTANCE

Realize impasse

Give away power

Accept decision given

COLLABORATE

Consider both people’s needs

Negotiate in good faith

Accept responsibility for the problem without blame.

I MESSAGES

When ------------------------

I feel -------------------------I want ------------------------I am willing to -----------------

When (this situation occurs)

I feel (a feeling, usually one word)

I want (what it will take to make things better)

I am willing to (what I can do to make things better)

Communication Blockers

l Avoiding the issues

l Discounting the feelings

l Judging – the situation and person

l Giving Advice

l Interrupting

l Changing the focus to your own experiences

ACTIVE LISTENING-Sample Phrases

Reframe or restate

I hear you saying…

Asking open-ended questions

Why do you think that is?

Empathizing

That must have been tough!

Clarifying

When did you say that happened?

Summarizing

These appear to be the important points

Validating

I appreciate your honesty.

ACTIVE LISTENING GUIDELINES

Listen w/o interrupting.

Show interest through . . .

l Eye contact

l Facial expressions

l Tone of Voice

Repeat in your own words.

Ask open-ended questions.

Put yourself in their shoes.

COLLABORATIVE NEGOTIATION

l Separate the people from the problem

l Separate positions from interests

l Create options that satisfy both person’s needs

l Agree on how a solution will be determined.

MEDIATOR COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Summarizing

Asking

Validating

Encouraging

S A V E

You might just SAVE the day!!

A GOOD OUTCOME TO A NEGOTIATED SETTLEMENT

§ Meets interests of both parties

§ Is fair

§ All terms are clear, specific

§ Is realistic, can be honored

§ Better than the alternative

§ Establishes the possibility of a future relationship

§ Makes next negotiations go smoother

Calming Down….

Relax

Distract

Talk

MEDIATION GEMS

“I see your point!”

“I’ve always liked you.”

“I know I’m partly at fault here.”

“Everyone knows you’re good at that!”

“I can imagine how that must have felt”

“It would be great to get through this and still be friends.”

PROTECTIVE FACTORS THAT

FOSTER RESILIENCY

Caring and Support

Positive Expectations

Opportunities for Participation

PRINCIPLES OF MEDIATION

Voluntariness

Informed Consent

Ownership

Impartiality/Neutrality

Confidentiality

The Resilient Child

Social Competence

Problem-Solving Skills

Autonomy

Sense of Purpose and the Future

Protective Factors That Foster Resiliency

Caring & Support

Positive Expectations

Opportunities for Participation

Paradigm Shift

Risk	…...	Resiliency
Problem Solving	…...	Positive Development
Deficiency	…...	Competence
Remediation	…...	Empowerment
People as Problems	…...	People as Resources

Good Outcome to a Negotiated Settlement

Meets the interests of both people

Is fair

All terms are clear and specific

Is realistic and can be honored

Better than the best alternative, if no settlement was reached.

Establishes the possibility for a future relationship

Makes the next negotiation go smoother.

Trainers Summary of Overheads

(in order used in manual)

Ground Rules

Full Value Contract

Resiliency (2 overheads)

Paradigm Shift

Causes of Conflict

Responses to conflict (animals)

“Six Circles”

Conflict Escalator

Continuum

Skills of the Mediators

Mediator Is

Principles of Mediation

Process

“I” Messages

Communication Blockers

Active Listening Techniques

Active Listening Guidelines

Collaborative Negotiation

Iceberg

Old Woman/Young Woman

Standing in Another’s Shoes

Mediator Communication Skills

A Good Outcome To A Negotiated Settlement

Gems

CONFRONT

Competitive

Win at all costs.

COMPROMISE

Give a little, get a little

Split the difference

Make a deal

OBTAIN ASSISTANCE

Realize Impasse

Give Away Power

Accept The Decision Given.

ACCOMMODATE

Give in

Peace At All Cost.

Preserve The Relationship.

COLLABORATE

Consider Both People’s Needs.

Negotiate In Good Faith.

Accept Responsibility For The Problem Without BLAME.

AVOID

There Is No Conflict

Ignore The Conflict

Issues Are Not Addressed